My first coaching teacher, the late Thomas J. Leonard, declared that we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. That’s a powerful idea.

Consider this: even as adults we are subtly influenced by “peer pressure”. We tend to pick up on the attitudes, language and mood of the people we hang out with.

Think about the 5 people you spend the most time with. Do they embody a positive and compassionate attitude towards life? Or are they negative, cynical and blaming? How does that affect you?

Negativity drains your energy

Even if we are able to maintain a positive attitude in the face of others’ negativity, how much energy does that drain? What else could you be doing with that energy?

And how do they treat you? Note who you enjoy being around. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: after spending time with this person, do I feel stronger or weaker? Do I feel better or worse about myself? The answers can give you important clues regarding who to spend time with.

Don’t spend time with people who make you feel bad

Relationship coach Les Parrott identifies a few of the types of people who are likely to hurt us and drag us down:

• Critics complain or give unwanted advice.
• Wet blankets are pessimistic and habitually negative.
• Gossips spread rumor and leak secrets.
• Control freaks are unable to let go and let things be.
• Backstabbers are irrepressibly two-faced.

If you want to be happy…

If you want to be a happy and productive person, choose to have people in your life who:

• Treat you with love and respect.
• Want the best for you as you define it.
• Help you find out what you want to do and how to do it.
• Encourage you to explore all your talents and interests.
• Are thrilled when you succeed.
• Listen to you when you need to complain.
• Help you learn from failure without making you feel like a bad person.

Coaching assignment:

I encourage you to spend less time with negative or critical people and more time with those who appreciate you. You’ll notice a difference in how you feel about yourself and how much joy you experience. Remember: your presence is a gift – don’t waste it on those who don’t appreciate it.

Related posts:

1. Freaked Out? Sorry, No Time for That
2. How to Coach on Life Purpose