Become A Certified Coach » Personal Development

Why I Quit Facebook (And What It Did to My Income)

Barbra — Thu, 21 Apr 2011 22:28:00 +0000

I quit Facebook two months ago.

Since then, my business revenue has increased significantly. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

I know you’re wondering: But don’t you miss out on important information?

Frankly, there are lots of other ways for people to contact me if they really want to tell or ask me something. Most of what gets shared on Facebook is fun (in the case of personal friends) or promotional (in the case of business associates). It’s not that there’s anything wrong with the information, it’s just that there’s so darn much of it!

My mind was just getting TOO FULL.

And a full mind can’t think creatively about business.

What quitting Facebook did for me

By shutting off the fire hose of unnecessary information that Facebook had become for me, my mind became free to work on the important stuff.

The other thing that quitting Facebook did for me is remove an entire level of “keeping up with changes”. Let me explain: according to online marketing experts, it’s now important to have your business on Facebook. Oh yeah, and on Twitter. And LinkedIn. And GooglePlaces. And YellowPagesOnline. And. And. And.

The problem with having your business active on all these social networking sites is that not only does it take time to set up your page or listing, but you need to maintain it with current and useful content. You need to get people to “like” it, or leave a review, or comment. Then you have to respond to said comment or review. AND THEN the platform changes its rules or operation, and you need to redo all that stuff. It’s a full-time job just keeping up with it all!

So I decided I simply wouldn’t.

Did I give up?

No, what I did was set priorities. I realized that I can’t do it all. By quitting Facebook I will miss out on some business opportunities, but I will free up room in my head to do focus on my priorities:

1) give great service to my existing clients
2) complete unfinished products (so that I can start selling them)
3) meditate and exercise daily (to increase productivity and creativity)

So how’s it working?

In one of my business ventures (my fill-in-the-blank bio templates), my revenue has increased more than 50% in the past two months.

What happened was this: because my mind was less cluttered, I started thinking creatively about how to sell more bio templates. I decided to try lowering the price. As soon as I did that, my sales doubled. The net result is that my monthly income increased by about 50%.

This would not have happened if I hadn’t uncluttered my mind. Even if I had the bright idea to try a lower price, I wouldn’t have had time to implement it because I’d have been too busy trying to keep up with my social networking sites.

I don’t hate Facebook

Let me be clear about one thing: I don’t hate Facebook. In fact, I think it’s a great service and someday I may reactivate my account. Facebook wasn’t the problem: it’s what using Facebook (and other sites like it) was doing to my mind. MAKING IT TOO FULL.

Yes, I will miss out on some business opportunities by not taking advantage of Facebook business pages and all the other “must do” social networking things.

But my 50% increase in revenue has convinced me that my business runs better when I stay simple and focused. That’s the only way that I can have the calm, clear, creative mind that I need to prosper in my business.

What about you? Does quitting _______ (fill in the blank with your favorite or most time-consuming social networking site) appeal to you? Why or why not?

My 2011 Goal

Barbra — Thu, 13 Jan 2011 21:36:31 +0000

Free teleclass: “Enough for Life” by Vicki Robin

Barbra — Sat, 17 Apr 2010 19:01:25 +0000

Vicki Robin

Have you heard of the book “Your Money or Your Life“? This classic book on voluntary simplicity, available now in eleven languages, was written 20 years ago by Vicki Robin and the late Joe Dominguez.

Vicki has been called the “prophet of consumption-downsizers” by the New York Times, and is a well-known speaker on the trend toward sustainable lifestyles.

How much is enough?

As you may know, I’m keenly interested in the concept of “enough”. Enough stuff. Enough busyness. Enough food. Enough love.

I took a teleclass called “The Freedom of Enough” with Vicki Robin a few months ago and it profoundly impacted my life. She is a wise and inspiring teacher, and very down to earth as well. (She’s the first to admit that she struggles with the “enough” issue just like the rest of us.)

Vicki’s doing a free 75 minute teleclass on Tuesday, April 20, 2010. If you have the time to attend (or sign up to get the audio recording) I’m pretty sure you’ll find it one of the most powerful classes you’ve ever taken. Sign up here

Vicki Robin will change your life

I’m keen to let others know about Vicki’s world-changing work, so that’s why I’ve reprinted Vicki’s invitation to her free teleclass below.

>>>>begin Vicki’s email<<<<<

From: Vicki Robin

I’m offering a free “everything I know in 75 minutes”class on April 20, 5:15 – 6:30 PM PST. I call it Enough for Life.

What we’ll cover:

What is money?
When is more better – and when isn’t it?
How much is enough of anything?
How do we know?
What is possible in our lives once we recognize we have enough?

Vicki Robin's classic book

A brief break for celebration!

Penguin Books is celebrating 75 years of publishing by featuring their top picks – one per day – from every book they’ve ever sold since 1935.

You guessed it. Your Money or Your Life is one of the jewels in their crown.

I feel humbled and honored to have played a part in bringing this life-changing book to you – and about a million of others around the world.

Enough for Life

The original promise of Your Money or Your Life was, in fact, that following the steps you could achieve financial independence. You could have “enough for life.” You’d be set. Free. Never have to arrange your days around earning money.

It was an audacious promise. Many actually got there, but everyone who followed the steps to any degree got something so rich and deep about having “enough for life” that their lives were transformed.

What I call the Your Money or Your Life approach is putting money and everything that runs through your life – stuff, busyness, chowing down, dressing up, sucking up – in service of your values rather your life in service of money. You shift from money+stuff as primary to YOU as primary. You are no longer a slave to money+stuff – they serve you.

So “enough for life” also means that you have, do or be only what supports your unique LIFE. Your hopes and dreams. Your specific gifts and goals. The whole shebang – loving, learning, laughing, exploring, serving, relaxing – becomes the yardstick for how much is enough of anything.

We actually need Life to be in balance for us to be safe, healthy and happy. Enough isn’t just for us. It’s for All.

So I hope you’ll join me in Enough for Life.

>>>>>>>>end of Vicki’s email<<<<<<<<<

Can’t Sit Still to Meditate? Try Active Meditation

Barbra — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 00:56:03 +0000

Coach Pooja

by guest writer Pooja Bhangar Khandelwal

You want to meditate but you just can’t sit still? There’s a form of meditation that might work better for you. It’s called “Active Meditation” and it uses physical activity such as breathing, movement and visualization to find the stillness within. This article gives instructions for an Active Meditation.

What is Active Meditation?

Many meditative techniques require one to sit still and silent. But for most of us, accumulated stress and suppressed emotions in our body and mind makes that difficult. Before we can hope to access our stillness and inner powerhouse of consciousness, we need to let go of our tensions. Active Meditations have been scientifically designed to enable us to consciously express and experience repressed feelings and emotions, learning the knack of watching our habitual patterns in a new way. Active Meditation is ‘Soul Gym’ for spiritual fitness!

First Stage: Gibberish

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, close your eyes and begin to say nonsense sounds – any sounds or words, so long as they make no sense. Let go of your emotions, expressing yourself through a language you don’t know! Allow yourself to express whatever needs to be expressed within you. Throw everything out. The mind always thinks in terms of words. Gibberish helps to break up this pattern of continual verbalization. Without suppressing your thoughts, you can throw them out. In the same way, let your body be expressive. Feel free to move your arms around. Do this for four full minutes (time yourself and let the beep go at the end of 4 mins).

Second Stage: Moving In

After four minutes of Gibberish, sit down (eyes continue to be closed)- Guide yourself into a space of deep silence, stillness and relaxation. Be still for three minutes. Simply watch the exhaustion felt by the body, watch the lightness felt by the heart unburdening itself and watch any thoughts come and go.

Third Stage: Let Go

Another bell rings. Without arranging yourself, just allow yourself to fall down “like a bag of rice,” so you are lying on your back, utterly still and relaxed with your eyes closed, hands by your side, palms facing upwards, legs uncrossed- as you are guided even more deeply into a silent stillness. Remain still for another three minutes. At the final bell (i.e. end of ten minutes), slowly open your eyes and rise with the reminder to carry the glimpse of silent awareness you may have had, into everyday activities.

About the author: Coach Pooja Bhangar Khandelwal is an ICF certified coach specializing in Active Meditation, which she calls “Soul Gym” for spiritual fitness. Active Meditation uses physical activity such as breathing, movement and visualization to find the stillness within. Pooja may be contacted at LifeCoachingWithPooja.com.

Do You Need to Get Angry Before Anyone Listens?

Barbra — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 19:31:12 +0000

Do you speak up? Do they listen?

by guest writer Judy Toth

I’m writing this for all the women with children, husbands, boyfriends, employees, relatives….well, I guess I’m writing this for all women. (Men–you are welcome to read also. It’s just been my experience that this is more of a “woman” thing. More on that later).

So women, have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why is it that I have to get angry to get what I want?” I know I’ve been there. In fact, I was there this week. And, all of a sudden it hit me, “I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to understand why this happens.” So I thought about it for a bit. Then I realized something that made me want to immediately declare, “It’s 5 pm somewhere so how about a glass of wine?” What I realized was, it isn’t a THEM issue; it is a ME issue. The question I should ask is to myself: “why is it that I have to get angry before I will make my needs a priority?”

Three ways we create this for ourselves

As I looked back over my own situations as well as those of my clients, I identified three ways that we put ourselves in this position:

1. We don’t clearly speak up for what we want

If your immediate reaction to that statement was “I shouldn’t have to say it, they should know by now” this is the one that applies to you. Many times we assume that our view of things is everyone’s view of things (granted ours is the right view but everyone else may not see it). And, truthfully, even if they DO see it, they could be distracted by their own stuff. We don’t speak up, we wait and wait and fume until we explode with the clearly stated request. At this point, our children/husband/boyfriend/employee usually has a deer-in-the-headlights look as they try to figure out what caused this outburst.

Bottom line: we need to make a request, out loud, clearly stating what we want and, if appropriate, how we want it and by when.

2. We are overly accommodating

One of the greatest strengths that women bring to the workplace and the family is our ability to empathize. However, we have a tendency to not only feel the other person’s pain, but also to do more than we should to make sure they HAVE NO pain. An example: a client of mine was overwhelmed by the role she played in her family. She is a professional woman with a fairly stressful job. Occasionally she would explode under the pressure and her sisters would quickly step in and help. When I asked why her sister didn’t take on more of the duties on a regular basis, she told me about all the issues that her sisters have in their lives and how she didn’t want them to be over burdened.

Bottom line: It’s not up to you to determine how much someone else can or cannot handle.

3. We don’t stick to the boundaries that we’ve set

When I coach managers, I frequently say that one of the most important attributes for them to exhibit to employees is consistency. The same goes for family, friends, and everyone else. I have seen so many women communicate what they need and want, come up with a fair plan and then, when things aren’t going smoothly or aren’t getting done, they step in and take over rather than reinforce the boundary they set. (Okay, I admit it. This is my personal stumbling block.) Think about what that communicates: your kids know it is their responsibility to keep their rooms clean. However, when they don’t do it, you step in and take care of it because you can’t stand the mess. You taught them a lesson, didn’t you? Well, maybe. But I don’t think the intended lesson was “if I don’t do it mom will”.

Bottom line: Stick to your boundaries, even if it seems that it would be quicker or easier just to give in.

Action Step:

Think of a situation in which you have the following pattern: in control—overwhelmed—explode–back in control. Ask yourself: “Have I clearly communicated my needs OUT LOUD? Am I being overly accommodating? Do I set a boundary and then, little by little, take on more? And men, some of this may apply to you but I’ve found that men are usually better at speaking up and are more likely to stick to their plan. However, maybe there is a woman in your life that you could share this with. Let me know what you discover.

Judy Toth

About the author: Judy Toth is a Certified Personal and Executive Coach who works with talented, accomplished individuals, professionals, and executives who want just a little more from their lives. She specializes in helping successful people create the clear vision they need to achieve amazing results. Contact Judy through her website www.Personal-Clarity.com

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How to Coach Anyone, Lesson #1

Barbra — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 20:01:13 +0000

Of all the coaching materials that Thomas Leonard produced in his lifetime, the How To Coach Anyone (HTCA) series of 68 lessons is my very favorite. In fact, I’d venture to say that much of what I know about coaching was learned from these lessons.

Although I have electronic copies of HTCA saved on my computer from my Coachville days, I’m eagerly awaiting my print copy of the just-released book to arrive in the mail.

And knowing how I feel about HTCA, Andrea Lee has kindly given me permission to share with you Lesson #1 – how to help a client who is “stuck”. Enjoy!

How do you help a client who is big time stuck with their goal and nothing you, or they, are doing seems to help?

It is NOT uncommon for a client to find themselves in this position.

Typically, “stuckness” indicates that…

The client needs a much bigger game to play.
If the goal is too small, some clients simply aren’t motivated enough to fire on all cylinders.

The client needs a smaller game to play.
If the goal is too large, some clients get overwhelmed or feel that they’ll never get there. So, either make the game smaller or identify important milestones along the way and target those.

The client’s paradigm needs to be shifted or expanded quickly.
If the client is thinking too small, or too historically, help them to upgrade their paradigm.

The client may need to start doing the opposite of what they’ve been doing.
Don’t laugh at this one. It can work. Just ask the client what would happen, or what they would feel if they started doing the opposite of what they’ve been doing to reach this goal. If nothing else, it’s a creative exercise. Remember, the client is stuck, and it’s not a natural state to be stuck, so sometimes a 180 or 90 degree turn is what’s needed.

The client doesn’t really want the goal even though they say they do.
I see this a lot. The client has a goal in mind but it’s actually a “should” goal vs. a “want” goal and so they don’t get very far with it. The trick is to help the client work on “want” goals, or to shift the “should” into a “want.” “Should” goals, while important, are likely to derail the client. “Want” goals, however, usually keep the client motivated. Again, it’s a cool coaching skill to help the client reframe or redesign a “should” goal into a “want” goal.

The client needs a very different goal.
In my experience, the client is rarely able to clearly, simply, and cleanly articulate what they most want, so an important part of the coaching process is to tease out what matters most to the client using words that are meaningful to them (vs. jargon, vague or Hallmark card, mushy language).

The goal needs a very different strategy.
There are many ways to cause an outcome; these are called strategies. Our job as a coach is to help the client find the most appealing and effective strategy that gets them from point A to point B without going through point Z. And if the client isn’t making progress with their goal, consider using a different approach/strategy instead.

The client may be concerned about perceived loss or consequences.
Hey, success can be very, very stressful because a person is replacing the old, the known and the familiar with something else. Welcome to evolution. Even if everything is going to be terrific when they reach their goal, the fear of losing someone’s love, their old friends, their routine, etc., can be more than enough to get a client stuck in the present.

The client is resisting the pressure they may be feeling from you.
Clients can be touchy. Sometimes, your eagerness is off putting, or the client will sense pressure if you’re more excited about or committed to the goal than they are. Clients may resist so much, they actually get stuck around the goal. If this happens, ask the client how much pressure they are feeling from you. And ask yourself whether you’re pushing, pulling or otherwise trying too hard.

The client’s environments are not properly set up to support this goal.
The types of goals that people set today are much more complex than the goals our parents set, and the environments we are surrounded by need to be tweaked in order to give us the 24/7 support we need. Environments include family, friends, networks, emotional environments, memes/concepts, paradigms, paradoxes, creative stimulation, performance support (like a coach), what we eat (for the energy we need) and how clean our energy is.

The client may need a break from coaching.
There comes a time when a client needs a break from you or a break from Coaching, but either they don’t know it, or they don’t want to tell you, so they “get stuck” and then have a reason/justification/explanation to opt out.

The client is just plain scared.
Sometimes, the goal is so exciting that it becomes overwhelming to the client and they get mired in the process. Find out if this is true and work on the distinction “excitement vs. fear.” It can be a subtle distinction. I’ve found that by identifying and then reducing/eliminating the perceived consequences of reaching the goal, the client can then move back toward excitement and away from fear.

The goal is not a clear enough expression of the client’s true values.
This happens a lot because the body slows/shuts down when goals aren’t aligned with one’s internal values. Work with the client on their top 5 values, and find the connection between the goal they are stuck on and the value that it expresses.

Questions to ask your client…

Do you know why you’re stuck?
If we back burner this goal, what goal would you rather work on?
Do you sometimes get stuck when you’re this close to reaching a goal?
Do you need a supportive kick in the pants?
Tell me what I should do in order to “un-stick” you in the next 10 minutes?
How much longer are you willing to be stuck on this?
Are you willing to try a backdoor approach to reaching this goal?
What else should we try?

Final thoughts…

Be patient, but don’t be the tail of the dog.
The client may need time to figure out what big changes to make in their life in order to reach this goal more easily, or perhaps they’ll need to select a very different goal instead. I’d give a client no more than 3 sessions to work it out and to have them propelled forward with plenty of energy to reach the goal or complete the project. Otherwise, it’s too tiring for both of you and it’s probably not even coaching by that point. Personally, I prefer to resolve this type of thing within 20 minutes. I don’t want it carried over to the next call.

Goals are meant to be exciting to reach.
If the client is resisting, laboring, complaining or just not into it, find another goal or develop another strategy that IS self-motivating. The alternative is that both you and your client get dragged down. Do NOT be afraid to require the client to pick another goal if the one they are working on isn’t getting anywhere. Abandon hope. Feel better. Move forward.

I hope this was helpful,

How to Coach on Life Purpose

Barbra — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:52:14 +0000

In our BACC coaching classes this month we are talking about the value of having a coaching “repertoire” – a set of tools and exercises that you can “pull out” in different coaching circumstances. You can listen to an excerpt of our class below.

Below are the class notes on the Life Purpose exercise (adapted from the book Co-Active Coaching, by Laura Whitworth).

Life Purpose Exercise

Instructions:

Read the visualization to the client, pausing after each sentence to allow the client time to process.
Debrief the visualization, and write down the themes or important words that the client shares.
Help the client draft an impact statement: I am the ___________ (a metaphor, such as “catalyst” or “tiger”) who ____________ (what impact the client wants to have in the world).

Visualization:

Imagine that you’re in a large group of people milling about in front of a stage. Up on the stage is your future self. Your future self begins to speak to this large group of people. Suddenly you become aware of a shift that has come over you and the entire audience. Your future self has in some way had a profound impact on you and on the rest of the people in the audience. You are all altered or changed in some fundamental way. Aware of this impact on yourself and others, you leave the room altered for the rest of your life.

Debrief Questions:

What was the impact your future self had on you and the others?
How were you and the others transformed?
Who was your future self being to have such an impact?

Do you have clients who would benefit from doing an exercise like this? Do you have other exercises you could recommend? If so, please leave a comment below. Thanks!

20 Great Self-Care Resources

Barbra — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:57:11 +0000

These self-care resources come from the Hollyhock Leadership Institute.

The Urgency Index
Many people find that despite their best efforts, even in work they love and feel good about, they have trouble feeling grounded and on top of things at work. Work is often filled with a sense of urgency—and this, as we all know, can lead to stress, fatigue, and eventually, burn-out. Despite endless good intentions, do you frequently feel like a hamster spinning its little wheel? If so, you must read this article.

Stressed Out? The Tell-tale Signs
Art of Leadership Instructor, Robert Gass, offers a list of ways to let go of some of that tension and avoid burnout. Learn to identify, handle and prevent stress.

The Four Agreements
The four agreements are simple agreements we can make with ourselves and with others in our organizations and communities, that guide how we act – and react in the world around us.

Yoga at Your Desk
If you’re at a desk for a lot of your day, focused and working hard, you might not notice right away when the tension is getting to you. But it will catch up with your body, sooner or later, and can lead to chronic discomfort and even more serious conditions.

Journaling
Journal writing is a way to capture your story and your perspective. Journals also make room for writing that is emotional, personal and tentative — not the kind of writing that most of us engage in in our work lives! This is adapted from Claudia Horowitz’s book “The Spiritual Activist.”

Recipe for a Sacred Hula-Hoop
From the inspirational coffers of Darcy Riddell.

Need More Sleep?
Do you wake up refreshed in the morning without the use of an alarm clock and feel energetic all day? If not, you may find some good tips in this article.

Creating the Life you Want and Loving the Process
Wisdom from the inimitable Judith Ansara Gass, MSW

Proper Breathing 101
“Breathing? I know how to breathe!” Is that what you’re thinking? :)

Loving-Kindness Meditation
Summarized from ‘A Path with Heart’, by Jack Kornfield.

Exercises to Reconnect to Life and Nature
Take a few minutes every day to do the exercises below. They can deepen your connection to all life and your senses in a surprisingly powerful way.

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings” – Eric Hoffer The practice of gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful personal habits that you can cultivate.

The 40-day practice: Bring something new into your life!
To set an intent for something new you want to bring into your life, a positive behavior you want to adopt or a habit you want to break, our suggestion is this…

Ground & Reconnect to the Purpose of Your Work
This exercise can be done with your colleagues, family, friends or volunteer committees as a way of grounding you in the purpose of your work.

Feeling Overwhelmed? A Practice for Making Conscious Choices
How often do you feel overwhelmed by things you simply “have to do”? You feel that there is no choice and everything has somehow just piled up to become utterly unmanageable. If you know what we’re talking about, then try this practice adapted from the teachings of Robert Gass just for you:

Resources to Revive, Replenish & Revitalize!
A treasure chest of articles, exercises and video casts from the Hollyhock Leadership Institute’s programs and conferences.

The Importance of Retreat
You’ve got a workload better suited to two people than one, you are tackling the urgent issues of our time, you have family, friends, bills, your health and your home to take care of. How can you possibly put aside time to retreat in the face of all this?

Feeling Overwhelmed? A Practice for Making Conscious Choices
We don’t always have choice about the events that show up in our lives. It’s a big world and much as we might like, we don’t control it. Yet we always have some choice about how we respond to events.

Is your life in balance?
A practical tool to help you start moving your life from stressed to serene.

Reconnecting To Nature: Finding Our Natural Self
Even if most of our days are spent linked up to a lap top, breathing forced air and commuting through steel cities, most of us carry in our imaginations and memories moments spent in nature that have calmed, inspired and helped us realize our connection to the natural world.

Who Appreciates You?

Barbra — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 02:42:12 +0000

My first coaching teacher, the late Thomas J. Leonard, declared that we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. That’s a powerful idea.

Consider this: even as adults we are subtly influenced by “peer pressure”. We tend to pick up on the attitudes, language and mood of the people we hang out with.

Think about the 5 people you spend the most time with. Do they embody a positive and compassionate attitude towards life? Or are they negative, cynical and blaming? How does that affect you?

Negativity drains your energy

Even if we are able to maintain a positive attitude in the face of others’ negativity, how much energy does that drain? What else could you be doing with that energy?

And how do they treat you? Note who you enjoy being around. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: after spending time with this person, do I feel stronger or weaker? Do I feel better or worse about myself? The answers can give you important clues regarding who to spend time with.

Don’t spend time with people who make you feel bad

Relationship coach Les Parrott identifies a few of the types of people who are likely to hurt us and drag us down:

Critics complain or give unwanted advice.
Wet blankets are pessimistic and habitually negative.
Gossips spread rumor and leak secrets.
Control freaks are unable to let go and let things be.
Backstabbers are irrepressibly two-faced.

If you want to be happy…

If you want to be a happy and productive person, choose to have people in your life who:

Treat you with love and respect.
Want the best for you as you define it.
Help you find out what you want to do and how to do it.
Encourage you to explore all your talents and interests.
Are thrilled when you succeed.
Listen to you when you need to complain.
Help you learn from failure without making you feel like a bad person.

Coaching assignment:

I encourage you to spend less time with negative or critical people and more time with those who appreciate you. You’ll notice a difference in how you feel about yourself and how much joy you experience. Remember: your presence is a gift – don’t waste it on those who don’t appreciate it.