Become A Certified Coach » Coaching Tips

Appreciative Inquiry Questions

Barbra — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 05:04:33 +0000

what has worked in the past?
what have others told you are your strengths?
what’s your unique superpower that you can bring to this situation?
what are other situations like this that have gone well?
what’s an example of a recent success?
what’s a small win you could have in the next few days?
what’s your vision of what’s possible if this succeeds?
who do you know who’s really successful at this who could help?
who could you influence?

How to Coach a Client on Personal Vision

Barbra — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 21:11:30 +0000

I was typing out some notes today for a mentee preparing for the IAC certification exam, and when I finished I realized that others might find this useful as well. It’s by no means “the right” way to coach a client on personal vision, it’s simply the framework I use.

The idea is to have the client describe where they are at now, and where they would like to be. Then identify the gaps and make a plan.

1. Start by asking them where they are now. Draw out their strengths and achievements, as most clients tend to overlook what they’ve already achieved.

2. Ask them to close their eyes and describe what they are ideally doing in five years. Prompt them to describe details about what they are doing, with whom, what the environment looks like, how they feel, etc. If time allows, it’s nice to do a short guided visualization

3. Debrief with them about the vision. Depending on what they have visualized, you may need to do a reality check or more likely, help them think bigger:

what would be the ultimate thrill?
where are you stopping short of all you could be?
what is a big enough game?
why bother? what makes it worth it?
what have you wanted to do but haven’t?

4. This is the point where you will hear the client’s energy shift, if they are working on their true vision. If the energy seems either hesitant or over-the-top excited, the visioning needs more work.

5. Now you want to tie the vision into their values. If you’ve already worked on values together, you can remind them of their values and ask how this vision aligns with their values. (note: this is Mastery #9, Supportive Environments because aligning vision with values makes the vision intrinsically sustainable). At this point I like to ask some version of:

how does this tie in with your top three values?
who will you be when you do this?
what impact will you have?
how could you make this align with your values even more?

6. Summarize, and move on to identifying the gaps between where they are now and where they want to be.

7. Help client identify what they will need to move forward on vision. Help them see strengths and resources they already have.

what resources do you already have?
what successes have you had in the past with ________?
what do you need to do or get?
who could help you?

8. This is usually where I stop with a session on vision. There’s a lot for the client to process, and moving immediately on to action plan robs them of the time needed to sit with the learning from the visioning process.

I hope this has been helpful. What framework do you use? Would you be willing to share it with us?

WAIT – Best Coaching Tip Ever

Barbra — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 17:16:10 +0000

One of the best coaching tips I ever received was this: Make a big sign that says “WAIT” and post it in your office where you can see it while coaching clients. WAIT is an acronym for “Why Am I Talking?” I don’t think I need to elaborate : )

How To Coach a Client When Nothing Seems to Help

Barbra — Mon, 11 Oct 2010 17:24:18 +0000

Of all the coaching materials that Thomas Leonard produced in his lifetime, the How To Coach Anyone (HTCA) series of 68 lessons is my very favorite. In fact, I’d venture to say that much of what I know about coaching was learned from those lessons. The first lesson that Thomas wrote was on how to coach the “stuck” client, which I think speaks to the importance of this issue.

Last week in our pilot program mentor coaching call Jacqui asked how to coach a stuck client when nothing they are doing seems to be working. She gave as an example someone working on weight loss, who never seems to be able to lose weight. Or a new business owner who is marketing the heck out of their services but still hasn’t got clients.

That’s a big question, and not an uncommon situation. The answer is covered in detail in this article: How to Coach Anyone, Lesson #1 by Thomas Leonard. Enjoy!

Tips for a Complimentary Coaching Session

Barbra — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:24:49 +0000

My office, and happy honeysuckle

One of the pilot program coaches sent me this email today:

I am corresponding with a new potential client. Do you have any good advice on handling complimentary coaching sessions and getting them to buy? Please let me know. Thanks!

Here’s the reply I sent to her:

Don’t try to accomplish too much
Don’t give advice
interact as a professional, not as a friend
have an approach that you can describe – not just “we meet and play it by ear, whatever comes up”. People feel more secure and hopeful knowing that the coach has a plan.
Don’t be afraid of offending the potential client – if you hear or sense something that you think might be a blind spot for them, point it out in a neutral manner. That will provide huge value to them and differentiate you from “talking with a friend”
Have a couple of frameworks (ways of looking at the world) or quotations “in your back pocket” to pull out and offer where appropriate. For example, if someone is talking about wanting to do something but being afraid of the risks, I’ll present the framework “risk is always reducible”. If the client seems intrigued by that idea, I’ll coach them on ways to reduce the risk of the venture.
Before the session, practice out loud the language you will use for asking for their business. Something like, “Susan, what has been of most value to you from our session today?” … “Great, I’m glad to hear that OR Yes, I heard you make that shift too. That’s the type of progress that my clients typically make every session. Would you like to sign up for coaching now?” Be proactive, don’t wait for the client to bring it up. It’s your job to do that, not theirs.
If the client wants to think about it, that’s fine. I usually say “That’s a good idea. Getting started with coaching is a big decision. When would you like me to contact you to follow up?”
Don’t try to accomplish too much (I know I’ve already said this, but it is deliberately repeated). Keep it clean and simple for the client. There will be a lot of buzz going on in their head. If they can experience three things from your complimentary session — 1) feeling heard, 2) getting one new way of looking at their situation, and 3) getting a sense of hope – then they will hire you.

Can’t Sit Still to Meditate? Try Active Meditation

Barbra — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 00:56:03 +0000

Coach Pooja

by guest writer Pooja Bhangar Khandelwal

You want to meditate but you just can’t sit still? There’s a form of meditation that might work better for you. It’s called “Active Meditation” and it uses physical activity such as breathing, movement and visualization to find the stillness within. This article gives instructions for an Active Meditation.

What is Active Meditation?

Many meditative techniques require one to sit still and silent. But for most of us, accumulated stress and suppressed emotions in our body and mind makes that difficult. Before we can hope to access our stillness and inner powerhouse of consciousness, we need to let go of our tensions. Active Meditations have been scientifically designed to enable us to consciously express and experience repressed feelings and emotions, learning the knack of watching our habitual patterns in a new way. Active Meditation is ‘Soul Gym’ for spiritual fitness!

First Stage: Gibberish

Stand with your feet shoulder width apart, close your eyes and begin to say nonsense sounds – any sounds or words, so long as they make no sense. Let go of your emotions, expressing yourself through a language you don’t know! Allow yourself to express whatever needs to be expressed within you. Throw everything out. The mind always thinks in terms of words. Gibberish helps to break up this pattern of continual verbalization. Without suppressing your thoughts, you can throw them out. In the same way, let your body be expressive. Feel free to move your arms around. Do this for four full minutes (time yourself and let the beep go at the end of 4 mins).

Second Stage: Moving In

After four minutes of Gibberish, sit down (eyes continue to be closed)- Guide yourself into a space of deep silence, stillness and relaxation. Be still for three minutes. Simply watch the exhaustion felt by the body, watch the lightness felt by the heart unburdening itself and watch any thoughts come and go.

Third Stage: Let Go

Another bell rings. Without arranging yourself, just allow yourself to fall down “like a bag of rice,” so you are lying on your back, utterly still and relaxed with your eyes closed, hands by your side, palms facing upwards, legs uncrossed- as you are guided even more deeply into a silent stillness. Remain still for another three minutes. At the final bell (i.e. end of ten minutes), slowly open your eyes and rise with the reminder to carry the glimpse of silent awareness you may have had, into everyday activities.

About the author: Coach Pooja Bhangar Khandelwal is an ICF certified coach specializing in Active Meditation, which she calls “Soul Gym” for spiritual fitness. Active Meditation uses physical activity such as breathing, movement and visualization to find the stillness within. Pooja may be contacted at LifeCoachingWithPooja.com.

How to Coach on Life Purpose

Barbra — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:52:14 +0000

In our BACC coaching classes this month we are talking about the value of having a coaching “repertoire” – a set of tools and exercises that you can “pull out” in different coaching circumstances. You can listen to an excerpt of our class below.

Below are the class notes on the Life Purpose exercise (adapted from the book Co-Active Coaching, by Laura Whitworth).

Life Purpose Exercise

Instructions:

Read the visualization to the client, pausing after each sentence to allow the client time to process.
Debrief the visualization, and write down the themes or important words that the client shares.
Help the client draft an impact statement: I am the ___________ (a metaphor, such as “catalyst” or “tiger”) who ____________ (what impact the client wants to have in the world).

Visualization:

Imagine that you’re in a large group of people milling about in front of a stage. Up on the stage is your future self. Your future self begins to speak to this large group of people. Suddenly you become aware of a shift that has come over you and the entire audience. Your future self has in some way had a profound impact on you and on the rest of the people in the audience. You are all altered or changed in some fundamental way. Aware of this impact on yourself and others, you leave the room altered for the rest of your life.

Debrief Questions:

What was the impact your future self had on you and the others?
How were you and the others transformed?
Who was your future self being to have such an impact?

Do you have clients who would benefit from doing an exercise like this? Do you have other exercises you could recommend? If so, please leave a comment below. Thanks!

Coaching “Safety Net” Questions – For When Your Mind Goes Blank

Barbra — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 00:43:27 +0000

Have you ever had the experience of “going blank” while coaching? You know, it’s your turn to speak and your mind freezes?

It happens to all of us from time to time, particularly if we are coaching under challenging circumstances (such as being evaluated in an exam or training class). When it happens to me, I fall back on what I call my “safety net” questions. These are questions that work in pretty much any circumstance.

Using a safety net question helps the flow of the coaching conversation, takes the pressure off the coach and puts the focus back where it belongs – on the client (as opposed to on the c0ach and “what do I say next?”)

Here are my favorite safety net questions:

1. Tell me more about that.
2. I hear ______ in your voice.
3. Why is that important to you?

Listen to this audio that demonstrates the safety net technique in action – I think you’ll agree that these coaching questions really work!

20 Great Self-Care Resources

Barbra — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 19:57:11 +0000

These self-care resources come from the Hollyhock Leadership Institute.

The Urgency Index
Many people find that despite their best efforts, even in work they love and feel good about, they have trouble feeling grounded and on top of things at work. Work is often filled with a sense of urgency—and this, as we all know, can lead to stress, fatigue, and eventually, burn-out. Despite endless good intentions, do you frequently feel like a hamster spinning its little wheel? If so, you must read this article.

Stressed Out? The Tell-tale Signs
Art of Leadership Instructor, Robert Gass, offers a list of ways to let go of some of that tension and avoid burnout. Learn to identify, handle and prevent stress.

The Four Agreements
The four agreements are simple agreements we can make with ourselves and with others in our organizations and communities, that guide how we act – and react in the world around us.

Yoga at Your Desk
If you’re at a desk for a lot of your day, focused and working hard, you might not notice right away when the tension is getting to you. But it will catch up with your body, sooner or later, and can lead to chronic discomfort and even more serious conditions.

Journaling
Journal writing is a way to capture your story and your perspective. Journals also make room for writing that is emotional, personal and tentative — not the kind of writing that most of us engage in in our work lives! This is adapted from Claudia Horowitz’s book “The Spiritual Activist.”

Recipe for a Sacred Hula-Hoop
From the inspirational coffers of Darcy Riddell.

Need More Sleep?
Do you wake up refreshed in the morning without the use of an alarm clock and feel energetic all day? If not, you may find some good tips in this article.

Creating the Life you Want and Loving the Process
Wisdom from the inimitable Judith Ansara Gass, MSW

Proper Breathing 101
“Breathing? I know how to breathe!” Is that what you’re thinking? :)

Loving-Kindness Meditation
Summarized from ‘A Path with Heart’, by Jack Kornfield.

Exercises to Reconnect to Life and Nature
Take a few minutes every day to do the exercises below. They can deepen your connection to all life and your senses in a surprisingly powerful way.

Cultivating an Attitude of Gratitude
“The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings” – Eric Hoffer The practice of gratitude is one of the simplest yet most powerful personal habits that you can cultivate.

The 40-day practice: Bring something new into your life!
To set an intent for something new you want to bring into your life, a positive behavior you want to adopt or a habit you want to break, our suggestion is this…

Ground & Reconnect to the Purpose of Your Work
This exercise can be done with your colleagues, family, friends or volunteer committees as a way of grounding you in the purpose of your work.

Feeling Overwhelmed? A Practice for Making Conscious Choices
How often do you feel overwhelmed by things you simply “have to do”? You feel that there is no choice and everything has somehow just piled up to become utterly unmanageable. If you know what we’re talking about, then try this practice adapted from the teachings of Robert Gass just for you:

Resources to Revive, Replenish & Revitalize!
A treasure chest of articles, exercises and video casts from the Hollyhock Leadership Institute’s programs and conferences.

The Importance of Retreat
You’ve got a workload better suited to two people than one, you are tackling the urgent issues of our time, you have family, friends, bills, your health and your home to take care of. How can you possibly put aside time to retreat in the face of all this?

Feeling Overwhelmed? A Practice for Making Conscious Choices
We don’t always have choice about the events that show up in our lives. It’s a big world and much as we might like, we don’t control it. Yet we always have some choice about how we respond to events.

Is your life in balance?
A practical tool to help you start moving your life from stressed to serene.

Reconnecting To Nature: Finding Our Natural Self
Even if most of our days are spent linked up to a lap top, breathing forced air and commuting through steel cities, most of us carry in our imaginations and memories moments spent in nature that have calmed, inspired and helped us realize our connection to the natural world.

How to Coach: Helping Clients Slow Down

Barbra — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:20:13 +0000

In this article we talk about two chronic themes found in today’s world – too little time and too much work. In stressful environments, people are prone to unconsciously react in habitual ways – often leaving them with the attitude that they had no choice.

As coaches we can assist our clients to develop the ability to slow down, be mindful and reflect, and empower them to make better decisions and respond more effectively.

Assisting the client to notice the signals sent by the body contributes to dynamic and lasting changes in attitudes and behavior.

Clients can be taught to bring additional inner resources to any situation by adopting these four powerful steps – react, notice, reflect, and respond.

So how do you do this?

Step 1: React

JW, an executive, wants to deal with his anger when challenged at work.The habit is affecting his leadership. Colleagues and those who report to him are reluctant to provide information or raise questions particularly when it conflicts with his position. JW inevitably makes decisions without the benefit of potentially crucial information and input.

Reaction to a stimulus is normal; and, it does not mean we have to take action in relation to the stimulus. The body’s signals can alert us to pay attention to our surroundings, reacting with symptoms like increased perspiration, such as sweaty palms. It may constrict respiration with less blood flow to our brains, potentially impairing our ability to make meaningful choices. Our reactions teach us about triggers and habit patterns.

Clients may develop defensive behaviors and lash out in knee-jerk reactions such as anger and frustration or conversely close down and withdraw. Either way, these reactions create a negative impact in the body, in thoughts and with emotions. This in turn can result in less motivation, decreased productivity, difficulty with making decisions and an inability to concentrate. Consequently the client experiences less joy, creativity and fulfillment.

Step 2: Notice

JW’s reaction to challenges or criticism is to become angry and yell. He doesn’t feel like he’s in control of his reactions, which are often inappropriate. Others feel judged and disrespected.

The coach asks him to recall the most recent experience and notice what happens prior to his verbal reaction.

The first step to cultivate greater self-awareness is to notice. To become mindful, people must notice their behavior and cultivate the part of the mind that can impartially observe what they are experiencing.

This entails noticing body sensations, emotions, impulses, thoughts or memories without attempting to control or direct what is being noticed. It is a way of cognitively stepping back from any habitual patterns. This step is used to notice and stabilize the bodily experiences in service of greater clarity and insight.

Clients may not have learned the necessary strategies to pause, take a breath, slow down and be with a situation, even for a few moments. Often they are required to make decisions quickly, efficiently and effectively. A coach may encourage clients to notice, be curious, be open to emergent possibilities and to use all their resources to be more fully available in the moment.

Step 3: Reflect

Being mindful, JW reports that his face flushes, his shoulders and stomach tense, his heart beats faster and he pulls his right ear lobe. Then he ‘moves in for the kill’ and literally moves his body closer to the other person.

Once clients notice their pattern, they can put themselves ‘on pause’ long enough to begin to reflect on what their body is telling them. They can pause, take a deep breath and cognitively stand back from their initial reaction. Inviting the body’s information to be present and accessible, they can reflect and choose to respond in a different way.

Clients in leadership positions demonstrate critical thinking skills daily. By adding mindful reflection and discernment to their repertoire, they create opportunities to expand the range of resources.

They can reflect on what triggers their reaction and create ways to offset any negative impact. This enables the client to choose responses that engage internal and external resources.

Step 4: Respond

The coach is curious about the ear pull and invites JW to slow the process down in order to study it mindfully – as a moment-to-moment experience. Upon reflection of the significance of the ear pull, JW says, “My mom used to do that to me when she wanted me to pay attention to what I was doing.”

When asked, “What happens when you pull on your right ear?” JW responds with, “I know something needs my immediate attention, and a feeling of anxiety rushes up and it all happens too quickly.”

The coach spoke with JW about the idea of using his body signal, his ear pull, as a resource to alert him to the fact that he is too close to the edge; an important reminder to pause and consider how to respond.

To be responsive is based on the word ‘integrity’. It involves integrating our internal experience with our external behaviours and choices. Our confidence grows by knowing how to respond. Learning what the body tells us helps to understand the pattern that contributes to being able to respond rather than react.

The reality is that clients are always making choices. Often they rely on what their ‘gut’ tells them is a right choice among alternatives. This is the body speaking, not the mind. To respond appropriately, they need to collaborate with the body, to understand the language and integrate it into their decision making.

Result:

The coach and JW explore the idea of using his ear pull to diffuse his reaction; to slow down and create a few moments of distance before engaging with others. With practice, the ear pull becomes a positive signal to remain curious about the new information or questions and to take time before responding.

In summary, we encourage you to use this 4-step model of strategies for reflective decisions: react, notice, reflect, and respond. The goal of coaching is to enhance the person’s capacities and skills. Adding the resource of the body’s inner wisdom provides strategies for clients to move from reacting to responding and therefore make their lives more skilful and rewarding.

Marlena Field, PCC, CPCC, founder and author of Body-Centered Coaching, offers a free e-newsletter titled BodyMind Wisdom: listen to your body, connect with your spirit. When you subscribe, you will receive her free audio titled “Conscious Choices for Change”. Visit www.BodyMindSpiritCoaching.com

How to Coach: Procrastination

Barbra — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:36:52 +0000

A very common topic that coaching clients bring up is “procrastination”. Coaches need to realize that procrastination has very little to do with the client’s skills to plan or manage time. So don’t waste time going down that deadend.

According to research on procrastination done by psychologists Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at De Paul University in Chicago, and Timothy Pychyl, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa, procrastination is more deeply psychological than you might first imagine. They say the root of the avoidance is a reaction to work, sense of purpose, or self-esteem.

Dr. Ferrari and Dr. Pyschyl identified three types of procrastinators:

Arousal types, or thrill-seekers, who wait to the last minute for the euphoric rush.
Avoiders, who may be avoiding fear of failure or even fear of success, but in either case are very concerned with what others think of them; they would rather have others think they lack effort than ability.
Decisional procrastinators, who cannot make a decision. Not making a decision absolves procrastinators of responsibility for the outcome of events.

Do you identify with any of those types? I must admit that I am the “arousal” type. I delay putting gas in my car, just to see how far I can go on empty. And I just love the feeling of racing to catch a ferry! Sad, I know.

To discover how to help procrastinators, and recommendations for more resources, please check out this article from the Hollyhock Leadership Institute.